You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
