woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
