I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
