I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
