You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
