Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
50% drunk capacity currently
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
