piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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