yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
