Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
