I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize