so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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