my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
