Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I love having hate sex.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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