it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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