Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
