I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
