dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize