Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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