When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
