I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
