We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
