sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
