Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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