she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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