I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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