it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
