No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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