I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
