when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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