Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
