i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
