I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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