i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Holy shit dude........stairs
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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