I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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