I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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