Your mouth is God's brothel.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
