are you still at the devil's house?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
