There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
