Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
