I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
