holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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