Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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