I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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