I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
