He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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