Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My balls are so social today.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize