I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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