He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
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i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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