I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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