that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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