We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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