doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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