I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
