just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
