so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
