before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
