If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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