someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
