My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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