if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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