i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
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