Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
