he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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