We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
