we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
