2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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