Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
