what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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