I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
