im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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