I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
