I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
