He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
