So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
