Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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