In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
