I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
