if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I want a musical about memes.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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