Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
